Oct 26

Oct 26 A Working Concordance for the Weary Christian: What the Bible Says About Abuse, Boundaries, and Healing

There are few wounds as deep as being hurt by people who claim to follow God.
I know this because I’ve done it too.

For those who have experienced trauma in families, relationships, or the church, the pain deepens when Scripture itself is used to justify, minimize, or erase it.

Maybe you were told to “honor your parents” when they were unsafe.
Maybe you were told to “forgive and forget” though repentance never came.
Maybe you were told that “submission” meant silence, that boundaries were rebellion, and obedience meant enduring harm in the name of faith.

But God’s Word, when read through the heart of the gospel, tells a very different story.

This is not a guide to deconstruction. It is a call to reconstruction, a return to the Word itself, not the warped version you were handed.

A Note

I’ve spent years searching for truth, not the kind that shifts with emotion or social trends, but the kind that stays steady when the world burns around you.
I wrestled with a God I loved, trying to reconcile His goodness with what I had endured.

I was taught to honor my parents, but not told that Scripture also commands them not to provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6:4).
I was told to turn the other cheek, but not shown that boundaries are biblical, that anyone who fails to provide care for their family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).
I was shamed into silence while others weaponized verses to protect power and preserve appearances.

But when I began reading Scripture for myself—slowly, prayerfully, through the lens of the gospel—I found a God who loves truth more than reputation.
A God who never sides with oppressors.
A God who sees the heart before the performance.
A God who never commands submission to sin, abuse, or manipulation.

This post is the resource I wish I’d had in the thick of betrayal, church hurt, and spiritual confusion.
It is a place to return when someone twists the Word to shame or silence you.

Don’t take my word for it.
Take His.

A Concordance for the Wounded: What God Really Says

Below is a living reference, a concordance of truth for the weary and misled.
Each category gathers passages that correct misuse and reveal God’s heart for those who have been mistreated in His name.

(Note: I will continue to expand on this offering as I deepen my own studies.)

Keep your sword sharpened and your shield lifted.

1. Toxic Family Dynamics

Ephesians 6:4 — “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Colossians 3:21 — “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
1 Timothy 5:8 — “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Psalm 27:10 — “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”
Micah 7:6 — “A man’s enemies are the members of his own household.”

Reflection:
Scripture doesn’t romanticize family. It acknowledges dysfunction and betrayal, and still offers hope to those who choose obedience to God over loyalty to sin.

2. Church Abuse and Spiritual Manipulation

Jeremiah 23:1–2 — “Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!”
Ezekiel 34:4 — “You have ruled them harshly and brutally.”
Matthew 23:27–28 — “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!”
3 John 1:9–10 — A warning against power-hungry leaders who love to be first.
1 Peter 5:2–3 — “Be shepherds of God’s flock… not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”

Reflection:
When leaders use Scripture to dominate or silence others, they step outside the authority of Christ.
Jesus reserved His sharpest rebukes for religious abusers.

3. Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation

Proverbs 4:23 — “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Luke 17:3–4 — “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.”
Romans 12:18 — “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Matthew 10:14 — “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

Reflection:
Forgiveness does not equal access. Reconciliation requires repentance, not pretending.

4. Suffering, Justice, and God’s Nearness to the Brokenhearted

Psalm 34:18 — “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Isaiah 61:1–3 — “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives.”
Romans 12:19 — “Do not take revenge… it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.”
Psalm 10:17–18 — “You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and You listen to their cry.”

Reflection:
God is not indifferent to injustice. His timing may be slow, but His judgment is sure, and His mercy toward the wounded is endless.

5. Identity, Worth, and Healing in Christ

2 Corinthians 5:17 — “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come.”
Psalm 139:14 — “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Galatians 4:7 — “You are no longer a slave, but God’s child.”
Romans 8:1 — “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Reflection:
You are not the sum of what happened to you, nor of what others said about you.
You are who God says you are: redeemed, chosen, beloved, and free.

When Righteous Anger Rises

When I began to uncover what Scripture truly says about family, boundaries, justice, and abuse, I felt angry. Deeply angry.
Angry at the lies I’d been told.
Angry at the people who used God’s name to cover their sin.
Angry at myself for not seeing it sooner.

Maybe you feel that way too.
That’s okay.

Anger is not sin; it is a signal.
It is an emotion God Himself experiences.

Jesus overturned tables when the temple was turned into a marketplace (John 2:13–17).
God’s wrath is not petty or cruel; it is His perfect opposition to evil.

When aligned with His justice, our anger can reveal where our hearts still long for truth, safety, and restoration.

“In your anger do not sin.” — Ephesians 4:26
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” — Psalm 9:9
“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” — Psalm 145:8
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret, it leads only to evil.” — Psalm 37:8

But if left unresolved, anger can harden into bitterness, and bitterness becomes the thief of joy and clarity.

When waves of anger rise, especially after spiritual betrayal, here are ways to anchor yourself in truth and gentleness:

Name what hurts.
Write it down. Speak it aloud to God. See the injustice clearly; this is how healing begins.

“Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” — Psalm 62:8

Breathe and regulate your body.
Your body remembers what your mind tries to forget.
Try grounding exercises:

Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6.
Place a hand over your heart and say, “God, I am safe in You.”
Step outside and feel the ground beneath your feet. Creation itself testifies that He holds all things together.

Express through creativity.
Paint, write, sing, move. Turn anger into art, not destruction.
You do not have to censor your pain for it to be holy. The Psalms are proof.

Set wise boundaries.
It is not your job to convince abusers of truth. Sometimes loving people well means stepping back and letting God handle conviction.

Seek community that honors truth.
If you do not have safe people yet, start with safe spaces: a trauma-informed pastor, support group, or an online faith community centered in Scripture.

Rest in God’s justice.
You do not have to carry the weight of making it right. God already is.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14

Caring for Yourself When You Feel Angry

Closing Benediction

If you have been silenced by Scripture misused against you, may this be your reminder:

God’s Word was never meant to wound you. It was meant to heal you.
It was never meant to control, but to set free.
It was never meant to cover sin, but to uncover truth.

May every verse once used to shame you now become a shelter.
May every lie be replaced with light.
And may you find again what the gospel has always been,
not a weapon in human hands,
but the steady heartbeat of a God who restores.

“…those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”— Isaiah 40:31

If you are processing spiritual or relational trauma and need further support, you can find resources and next steps on my Welcome To Olive & Oil Studio post in Disclaimer & Support Resources.